The first reaction almost guarantees a relationship that is ( both physically and emotionally) fast-paced. Both individuals involved are looking for someone to fill their immediate needs and wants. These relationships also tend to be self-centered and short-lived. We'll call these "grabbers" Many "grabbers" who are hurt by this type of relationship choose the second reaction at the next opportunity.
The latter reaction also resort to selfishness. However, instead of expending themselves in a physical relationship, they spiral down in self-pity. This leads to desperation, which in turn can lead to the first reaction. We'll call these people "groaners".
So we would remain, oscillating between "grabbers" and "groaners, if it were not for the grace and wisdom of God.
In his letter, James first addresses the "groaners":
My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. James 1:2-4, NET
The transformation from trials to perseverance is due only to God's grace. He brings the trials to bring to a closer likeness to his son, Jesus Christ. This is why we should not gripe and complain about our trials. I don't mean to sound trite and uncaring, and I realize that it is much easier for me to write it than to live up to it. God is outside of time and space. He sees everything that has happened and everything that will happen. He knows how everything is interconnected. He also has the power to control "random" circumstances to work and guide situations to his purpose (see also Romans 8). Christians should not worry about how things will turn out when we have a God orchestrating it all.
James continues by speaking to the "grabbers":
But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed around by the wind. James 1:5-6, NET
The definition of wisdom is seeing what is the best in a given situation and having the strength of will to see it through. Wisdom sees that a quick, short-term, physically intense relationship will only lead to heartache down the line. Wisdom also has the determination to wait for a more fulfilling and (especially) purposeful relationship. God promises to give us wisdom if we ask and believe.
However, when we ask, it is not as if we will wake up the next morning with a higher wisdom quotient. God often provides wisdom through more tests and trials and also through mentors. As we learn, God often gives us more opportunities and blessings.
I must confess, I have been both a "grabber" and a "groaner" in the past. But this year, by the grace of God, I was neither. Instead, I had a great time with many friends.
As I am single, I hold finding the girl God has for me as very important. It is near the top of the list (only preceded by finishing school and establishing myself in a career).
It was also important to Saint Valentine. He was a staunch defender of traditional marriage. He was eventually killed for his belief. Then, he became associated with the day where we celebrate the feeling of love. Let's face it, Valentine's day is celebrating sex (This is not necessarily a bad thing, but that's for another time). The poor martyr would be horrified at the emphasis that is placed on the physical above and before commitment.
In closing, if you feel like a "grabber" or a "groaner," remember what James says about wisdom and attitudes when being tested.
